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You Can Survive Postpartum Depression...and Divorce and other Crappy Stuff!

Okay...today is different.  Not sure why (well I kinda know but due to the divorce can't say) but I feel stronger.  Or should I say I am starting to finally feel some strength.  It's been a long time coming..I have felt weak for so long.

I know most of this won't make sense...I just felt a need to get this on paper...or rather blog...lol.  I survived Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety.  My son's third birthday in June marked the anniversary of the day my Postpartum Anxiety started to rear it's ugly monstrous head.

How long did that monster stay around?  Almost for a fucking year!  I know it sounds awful, not doable, not survivable.  But guess what?  Three years later I am still here today.  And you know what? I am going through an ugly, sucky, miserable divorce right now (from the husband who so didn't get the whole Postpartum Anxiety thing).  Thus the divorce...well, obviously way more than that but it stands to reason why things ended up the way they did.

Anyway, this divorce is workin' my last nerve on so many levels.  Some days it seems not doable, not survivable, so awful.  And I am just making the connection now...go figure.  There was a reason I felt compelled to write this down.  That if I could survive the deep, dark depths of Postpartum Anxiety, may be why I am surviving this...

Someone told me the other day that going through his divorce is actually more painful then losing his mother. And I kept thinking that, but didn't want to voice it out loud.  It made me feel so incredibly guilty to think it because that was one of the most painful experiences that occurred 23 years ago and I am still feeling the repercussions of it.

Interestingly enough, I actually think Postpartum Anxiety was worse then what I am going through now.  So guess fucking what?

If I survived that, I can so certainly survive this!  Abso-fucking-lutely!

AND YOU CAN SO SURVIVE YOUR POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!!!

Just Do the Opposite...!

I came across this great blog a while back about Zen habits...never thought long or hard about this subject, which I guess is the whole point, but I really LIKE this guy.  So I am stealing his stuff...don't worry he said I could.

Onto Do the Opposite!

Post written by Leo Babauta.

Before I learned how to change habits, I was stuck. I kept trying to change various habits — running, eating healthier, waking earlier, getting out of debt, ending procrastination — and I kept failing.

I got very good at failing, in fact.

Looking back on those days, given the power of retrospect, I now know that I did everything wrong. I was setting myself up for failure, and in failing often and not learning from those mistakes, I was learning to be good at failing. Failing became my habit.

And while I’m actually a fan of failing as a method for learning how to get better at something quickly, if you’re not learning from your failures, it’s not as useful. So in that spirit, I’d like to share what I’ve learned from my failures so that you might glean some useful information from my suffering.

How to Fail at Habits

I failed at creating new habits repeatedly. Here’s what I did, and what most people also do:

1. Take on multiple habits at once. We have lots of things we want to change, so we try to change them all at once. Of course, this spreads our focus and energy thin, so that we can’t give our entire focus to any one habit. Habits are hard to change, and spreading yourself thin is a good way to make sure you fail.
2. Bite off more than you can chew. Whether you do one habit or many at a time, try to do as much with each habit as possible, so that it takes up a lot of energy and seems really hard. Don’t run for 5 minutes, try doing 30. That way it’ll be a big chunk of your day that will get pushed to tomorrow when other urgent things come up, it will take a lot of your physical and mental energy, and it’ll be something you dread doing because it’s so difficult. Don’t meditate for 5 minutes, meditate for 60. Do 90 minutes of yoga. Change your entire diet all at once. These are excellent ways to fail.
3. Tackle habits you don’t enjoy. Because habits should be something you do for moral reasons — they’re good for you! And so it doesn’t matter if you hate them, and if you dread doing them after awhile, because you’re going to be disciplined. That works extremely seldomly, so it’s a great strategy.
4. Keep it a secret. Don’t tell anyone you’re changing your habit. That way, if you mess up, it won’t be embarrassing. This means that you secretly think you’re going to mess up, which is another excellent way to fail.
5. Jump right into it. Decide today to start running, and just do it! This way you are treating it as if it’s nothing, and not a big commitment. You don’t plan for obstacles, don’t set up a support system, don’t give yourself rewards, and treat the habit change as lightly as you do putting on your socks. And when you quit doing the habit, it will be no problem either.
6. Don’t worry about how others have succeeded. Why read the success stories of other people? You know better than them. You can do it without learning from them. That’s what I used to think, at least.
7. Don’t motivate yourself. You don’t need motivation if you have discipline. Discipline is something you have or don’t have, but motivation is something you can actually do.
8. Give yourself plenty of opportunities to give up. Trying to eat healthy? Have your cupboards and fridge filled with junk food, and have it surround you at work, and go to restaurants filled with fried foods and sugary sweets. You’ll definitely have the discipline to ignore those.

The eight steps above are a sure-fire recipe for habit failure, and I recommend you try all of them if you’re looking to fail. Of course, if you’re looking to succeed, you might want to avoid them and possibly try the opposite.

 ( I like him too much to steal...:)