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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

it all comes full circle...

Coming from a dysfunctional alcoholic family it has taken me my entire life to figure out what was wrong with me. My family kept telling me what was wrong with me and I listened to them.

But listening to the very people who made you sick is like taking heart medicine for my diabetes. I am never going to get better if I am taking the wrong meds (I don't have diabetes btw).

You see, I had no idea that my father's alcoholism had any affect on me whatsoever. Not until it was suggested by my therapist I attend an Al-Anon meeting a year and a half ago did everything come full circle.

When I walked into Al-Anon I felt like I was coming home. But a more functional healthier home. This was my family. They understood. And the best part is...they had a solution!

What does this have to do with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety? I believe that if you came from an unhealthy family environment, your chances of developing PPD or PPA probably increase ten-fold. Particularly if you have no idea that you were living in an unhealthy environment while growing up.

I never got any anxiety or depression until I was in my 30's. It started out as anxiety and it was horrific because I didn't know what was wrong with me and I thought I was suddenly going insane.

The severe depression came later in life and if I had to choose between the two I would take your garden variety depression over anxiety any day.

So what did I get after having my second child? Severe, severe Postpartum Anxiety. It was horrific!

But I survived. I survived through getting on the Internet and Googling Postpartum Anxiety and Depression to death.

Through reading that others went through the same thing and survived is what kept me hanging on.

You can hang on too. Keep on reading on.

You can do it!

Monday, July 8, 2013

toxic people...

Toxic people in your life can continue your Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.

The difficulty lies in determining who is toxic. Unfortunately, when you are in the deep depths of postpartum depression you cannot recognize who those toxic friends or family members might be. But you can bet they are prolonging your agony.

To get better you need to just keep reading. Keep reading anything you can about postpartum depression and anxiety. It is what will keep you going and it will validate your pain.

Once validated only then can you begin to heal...well, you can begin to heal despite validation for sure, but it helps.

To Your Climb Out of the Darkness...!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

chronic pain in children...

Here is a fantastic book my daughter's rheumotologist gave us. I was disheartened at first. Why was she handing me a book on chronic pain in children. I was still in seeking-mode...finding a solution as to what was causing my daughter so much pain. And then the fear in the back of my head came to the forefront.

What I feared was that this situation had turned into a chronic pain issue...which is a disease in and of itself. And as the doctor handed me this book she said..."Yes, you need to consider this a chronic pain condition..." SIGH

However, the book is wonderul. It provides explanations for why something becomes chronic pain...think of it like this.

Whenever you have a problem on your computer and you get that blue screen saying fatal error. It isn't a problem with your system's hardware or the computer itself. It is a problem with your computer's software. Liken that to the human body and since there isn't a diagonsis for my daughter's condition as of yet, there is nothing wrong with her body (the hardware) itself...or there is we just don't have the answer to that right now. But her software has become faulty. Her pain nerves (the software) have been switched on and will not switch off. There is no breaker right now to turn off that switch so she suffers unrelenting burning/stabbing pain which is the hallmark of chronic pain.

I believe there is something to this because her first bout of this pain was 8 months ago. This is her 4th bout and this time it never left. Her switch got turned on and stayed on. Until a diagnosis can be made I have pleaded with the doctors to help me manage her pain. There is a huge lack of any kind of research or understanding of pain in children. In fact just a little over 20 years ago it was believed that children and newborns didn't suffer pain the way adults do. Babies weren't given anesthesia when procedures were done because it was believed they felt no pain. Can't even wrap my brain around that one.

So rather than being disheartened I am now happy that I have been given my first tool in helping my daughter manage her chronic pain. Here it is:

Friday, June 28, 2013

climb out of the darkness...

Wanted to share this from Katherine Stone and her blog Postpartum Progress. Great fundraiser for a great nonprofit!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

New Year's Resolutions Suck!

Yup, they do and I am sure you are nodding your head as well.

Seriously, who can resolve to not be depressed any more? Would we love for our depression or anxiety to magically disappear? Absolutely! Is it a reality? Hell no!

Especially if you have Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Anxiety. How do I know? Because I had both and I will take regular 'ol down and depressed depression any day over the Postpartum kind. At no other time in my life did I feel I wanted to no longer exist as I did with PPD and PPA. It's the truth.

If it weren't for a Mom from down the street randomly knocking on my door at just the right time, I would have locked myself up in the local mental hospital.

I know it sucks if you are reading this right now to have PPD. I remember when I was desperately seeking, answers, advice, anything at all related to Postpartum crap because it became what kept me alive.

So keep on searching on the Internet. Even at the expense of ignoring your baby because as long as you have a spouse or family and friends that are helping you can't be the Mom you want and need to be if you are excruciatingly suffering from Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Anxiety.

It is 3 years later for me and I can honestly say I am fine. Better than fine.

Accept the moment right now for what it is...and it sucks tremendously I know...and remember..."This Too Shall Pass..."

Please do this, please please please. It will save your sanity and your life!


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Love Postpartum Progress...Katherine Stone is a Great Woman...

6 Surprising Symptoms of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
One woman with postpartum depression may look and sound completely different from the next one. Here are six of the most surprising symptoms of PPD and anxiety.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Who is Victimized Here...

You's interesting.  The place I have created here, not only for myself, which has been extremely therapeutic for me, but for other women as well, what I thought would be a safe place,  how it can become...not so safe.  Because of electronic media we can confess are skeletons to the world for everyone to see.  However, it causes much emotional distress for some, when suddenly it feels like you are being stalked.  Who knew you could not only be stalked in person as well as online.  I didn't think I would ever be the victim of this.  It's quite distressing.

And it's quite unfortunate.

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