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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sitting on my front porch...RE-POST...!

It is August 18, I am sitting on my rocking chair front porch and one year ago today I was sitting on this same front porch thinking I wanted to die.  My 4 week, 4 day old baby was inside with my husband and daughter, and the anxiety was so immense, I just wanted to die.  I knew what Postpartum Depression was, and I was very familiar with old regular depression as well as anxiety, but Postpartum Anxiety...I had no idea.  Right now lightning is flashing in the distance...that's what reminded me...I'll never forget that Mom that didn't know what she was dropping in on when she came to my door to drop off diapers.  Someone who didn't like me very much.  And I broke down right in front of her.  Well, what happened next could only happen in the South.  I'm from the West Coast so I know. That Mom who didn't care for me very much grabbed 5 other Moms on the street, drug them into my house, and my bedroom, bypassing baby, dad, and daughter, grabbed a wet washcloth and started wiping my forehead.  Consoling me.  She knew.  And that is the common bond.  But, am I friends with her now?  No, she has alienated herself on this block.  I have come to believe that people in the South can hate you but save your life when you're in a pinch.  Wish I could really know them instead.  I don't want them just for the crisis.  But if that's the only time I'll ever get them? I'll take it.  And I remember that night a year ago clearly; glass of Sangria in my hand, my baby boy in his baby bjorn sleeping on my chest, I was in her backyard with the other Moms (I hadn't been out of the house prior to that) lightning in the distance, very common in the South, and I was saved.  If only those women knew what they did for me...I don't think they'll ever really know.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Momma Momma....: Stacking My Blocks

This post is from a blog I was reading and wanted to share this because it resonated with me...

Momma Momma....: Stacking My Blocks

Friday, August 13, 2010


Note: This was an earlier post from February of this year, I figured I wrote it might as well publish it: 

Wasn't that what Charlie Brown always said...? O.K. I think I no longer have PPD for the most part (ironically enough my husband works for a company called PPD) gee no wonder I have it...Anyway, here's what's been going on.

My therapist thinks I have a drinking problem and that's why I've lost weight as well as my hair. Mind you, I had a baby 7 months ago, and if you're like the average Mom, you probably lost weight as well as your hair too postpartum...duh!! As my 7 year old would say. So she's seeing a therapist too for pulling her hair out (my 7 year old not the therapist), my husband is losing his job, my husband's dog is losing it's life, and it's likely that my dog will too in the next 5 months. And I'm at a loss for words....until next time...
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