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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Relapse PPD...???

Is there such a thing as relapse postpartum depression?  Ugh! Yesterday, from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed, not sleep mind you cause that wasn't happening, but bed, I was really depressed ALL day.  And does it matter if I'm trying to figure out if it's a relapse of PPD or is it regular depression, or whatever?  And I hate how my mind worries and becomes obsessed about these things when I'm depressed...this sucks.

Friday, September 24, 2010

what i hate about postpartum depression...

or regular depression, or anxiety, or whatever the hell you call this never-ending cycle.  what i hate is how suddenly, after many happy, good days, you wake up from a nap (yes, you DO deserve one i don't care who you are) and you are utterly, completely DEPRESSED... wtf! it really messes with my psyche when that happens...does this happen to anyone else out there???

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Things That Can Trigger my depression...

When a friend/neighbor de-friends me.  Turns out she was addicted to pain pills, and wanted to quit.  We developed a friendship over the course of a year.  We both had PPD in common, only she had it the year prior and for a whole year.  She had twins (still does)...Well, I feel like we had developed a great friendship only I realized partially because I overlooked her addiction.  While I sat with her and had my glass of wine every night she popped her pills and we were 2 happy enablers.  But I soon realized how serious her problem was.  Especially cause she kept telling me I was the one with the problem.  And she was lying to me all the time.  She didn't think I knew...but of course I did.  She lied to her husband all the time why did I think I was the exception.  When she started hanging out with someone else who was even more vulnerable than me I realized it was cause I was the only one she had told her secret too and I was a reminder of that.  Her husband didn't even know.  Well, I know that I was hurting more than helping, so I confronted her and told her she had to tell her husband.  It was the only way I knew how to get her help.  In the end I got the hurt because she threw back at me all of our intimate discussions in a not so nice we're just neighbors...and that I believe is what triggered my last bout of depression.