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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

i know what i need to do...

i woke up this morning knowing what i need to do. have you ever had that clarity where you went from confusion and chaos and then one morning you wake up and you just know.

you see i am going through a an ugly, painful divorce right now.  the man that didn't support me through any of my depression and anxiety and none of my postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, is also a verbally abusive man.

the thing is, i didn't know it.  i so desperately wanted him to understand and show empathy.  he never did and he never could.  i have paid for it dearly.  i may not have bumps and bruises on the outside to show proof to the world, but you can bet my scars run deep on the inside.  i used to wish he would just hit me so i could prove to others what i had discovered deep down inside.

the time when he would show me the least concern? when i was sick.  including my PPD and PPA sessions.

i thought he just didn't understand.  the thing is, he didn't even want to try and understand.  and i was too lost in it to try and explain to him what was going on.

and what is it i need to do?  take control back of my life.  it starts today. it starts here. it starts now.

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