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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Flashback...to 2006

Mom Tirade. Just got done screaming at the top of my lungs to my 4.5 year old. Feeling pretty crappy about it right now too. Is it her, is it me?? Is it the depression and anxiety…? (sounds like a song) WHAT IS IT?!! Now comes all the guilt with that and of course… more depression. I just want to go in my room right now, shut and lock the door, close all the blinds, and cry until I can’t anymore. And then I want to go in my hubby’s closet and take scissors to his favorite ties and shirts, but only make a tiny snip in them so he won’t be able to tell for a really long time, or because if I rip it to actual shreds he might think I’m crazy, cause this is ALL his fault, right…?! Oh, wait….but I already did that. You know what my husband called me “the psycho girlfriend” and I’m not, I am his wife…But as you Moms know, you can’t turn it off, you are always on. I can’t do that right now because I have a 4 year old. And she’s calling again, the interruptions are endless and frustrating..,.. I can never finish a complete thought, conversation, or sentence….ugh! I will get to the good stuff, but since this is about anxiety I have to start with the bad stuff first. I feel like I’m in a permanent bad mood.

3 comments:

Jenn said...

I think all moms go through feelings like this , even if some of them won't admit it ! Hang in there !

Jenn said...

ok don't mind me I just remebered the flashback thing.....my baby is 3 weeks old and stays awake all night everynight so I'm working on no sleep here ! haha

Mommy Kennedy said...

Thank you for being so open and honest! You have a lot of courage!

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