sitting with the crazies...

okay...that sooo wasn't nice i know. i was referring to sitting in the waiting room of my therapist's office.  mind you this is coming from someone who identifies with crazy.  i'm not used to sitting in a waiting room of a shrink's office, sorry for all the stereotypes, because my last 3 therapists (yes, I am now on 4), didn't have a waiting room.  more like either a small alcove with a chair, a house, or lobby.  never a waiting room.

so on days it's packed guess what?  it's awkward...i don't know why, it just is. i always advocate that this isn't about taboos...thus this blog.

but it's just funny when you're sitting in a waiting room, desperately wanting to be by your own crazy self, when suddenly there are 8 others in close proximity.  and one of them has a crazy 2 year old who's alll over the place. oh wait...that's me...cause yes as a mom not only do you not get to pee by yourself you also don't get to therapy by yourself either.

so there we were...and i try to smile at others, and make eye contact.  which is pretty stupid because i know when i was at my crazy worst, or crazy  best depending on how you look at it, i was in such panick mode i would be on the verge of screaming hysterically if someone so much as glimpsed my way...but i want to be friendly and give that knowing glance that it's all good.  it's all going to be okay.  we're not crazy, or we're all crazy because the whole world is crazy when you get right down to it so who cares right?

anyway, just making a craazyyyy observation...because i can....because i'm one of them...he... he... he...

everything changes

so my life looks nothing like it did almost two and a half years ago when my baby son was born and i suffered from severe postpartum anxiety.  crazy times.  who knew?! I can honestly say i am Happy.  Wow.  i have been unable to say that for a long time.

as to postpartum anxiety...gone.  ladies it can be done.  i am living proof...emphasis on the living.

regular' ol depression and anxiety...gone.

what's my secret? having a person come into your life who shows you that you are a good person. that you are lovable. that you are important and matter. this person could go away today, and i would have fond memories and be extremely thankful to this person, knowing they came into my life for a short period of time for a reason. to save me from myself.

now the rest is up to me....

i am NEVER going to travel down this road again!

omg...you think i would have figured it out by now. my post titled "a road i've been down before" discusses a time when i was no longer suffering from post-partum anxiety but was literally driving down the same road i had been when i was. it brought back memories. and a little anxiety.

well, guess what? once again, i was driving home down this road and i started getting little anxiety attacks. nothing major, but enough for me to feel like i was starting to breathe too fast and that i might need to pull over. and then i realized...i've been down this road before...both literally AND figuratively. and i don't want to go down it anymore. you think i would've learned my lesson. well, it just so happens this is the quickest way to and from the mall...heehee


but i will find another way. just like i had to find another way to get out of my postpartum anxiety. reading blogs like this one, books, joining online and offline support groups was what i did. i was trying to reach out to everbody because i feared if i didn't i wouldn't be around much longer to take care of not only my beautiful DD but my beautiful newborn DS.

by the way, it is 2 years later and i am taking the max of my anti-depressants and just recently was prescribed a new anti-anxiety med to deal with the anxiety that pops up at the witching hour...more on that later...in the mean time...please try to keep on, keeping on...much hugs to you and yours!